he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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