i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Can Purell be used as lube?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
