R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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