i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
