One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
