Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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