They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
