Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
