Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
