Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
