i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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