I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he was CRYING into my vagina
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize