1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
