found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
