I think my fart just growled at me.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
