She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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