if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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