Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
