my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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