five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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