we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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