I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
