sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
