I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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