I cannot find my penis.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
