He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
