ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize