Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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