we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
