his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
