I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we're making bets on your personal life
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
