thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
the gays at disneyland are vicious
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
