At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I am available for nakedness
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize