perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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