I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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