k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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