I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
