so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
