I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
