What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
