The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
