Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
