Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
The ass gains better be worth it
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