I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
