well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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