I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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