Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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