Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
