Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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