Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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