DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
