That's intense
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
