i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
