Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
