That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
