I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Say something about gay babies.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My breath smells like gin and sadness
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize