I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
