New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
