The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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