all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
