I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize