Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
