so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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