I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
