Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
