I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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