Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
