I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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