Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize